THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY
Look! He's waking up.
Page Dr. Cocheton, quick!
Dr. Cocheton to room 1 1 9.
Mr. Bauby, keep your eyes open.
Keep your eyes open.
Mr. Bauby, keep your eyes open.
You're waking from a long sleep.
Can you hear me?
I hear you.
What's going on?
God, a hospital.
Open your eyes wide.
Try to keep them open.
That's it. Good.
Now follow the light.
That's it.
Don't be afraid.
You're in a hospital.
I'm a doctor. My name's Cocheton.
These are orderlies.
We're here to take care of you.
Do you remember what happened?
-Vaguely. -Do you remember what happened?
Like I said, vaguely. Images...
You're in the Naval Hospital in Berck-sur-Mer,
on the coast, near Calais.
You were treated in Paris and then brought here.
Do you remember?
Jean-Dominique.
You've had a stroke.
You were in a coma for almost three weeks.
But now you're waking up, and you'll be fine.
I promise.
Thanks.
I need to do a few tests.
Keep your eyes on me.
That's it.
Follow my finger.
That's it.
When I say blink...
Blink, please.
Very good!
Now, try saying your name.
Jean-Dominique Bauby.
Go on, try.
-I just did. -Try hard!
Tell me your name.
Jean-Dominique Bauby.
Try to say your children's names.
Théophile, Céleste, Hortense.
Don't worry.
It's a very slow process.
But your speech will come back.
What?
Can't you hear me? Doctor!
What's going on?
I can't speak?
They can't hear me.
My God!
I can't speak?
What's happened to me?
My name is Jean-Dominique Bauby.
Doctor!
Okay...
I've had a stroke. My speech and memory will come back.
You'll be okay, Mr. Bauby.
-It'll be okay. -Relax. We'll take care of you.
I'll be patient.
Okay.
Okay, I believe you.
Who brought those flowers?
Roses.
Inès!
Did you sleep well?
Let's see, now.
You have an important visit this morning.
Dr. Lepage, the neurologist. We hope you'll be at your best.
Morning.
I'm Alain Lepage, your neurologist. You know Dr. Cocheton.
Jean-Dominique...
No, your friends call you Jean-Do,
so that's what I'll call you. Think of me as a friend.
Just be a doctor.
As a friend, I know how hard this is for you.
And I know no one has told you the full truth.
That's my job.
You've had what we call a cerebrovascular accident.
It's put your brain stem out of action.
The brain stem is
a vital part of our internal computer
that links the brain and the spinal cord.
In the past, we'd have said you had a massive stroke,
and you'd probably have died.
But now, resuscitation techniques have come so far that we can...
We can try...
I mean, we can prolong life.
This is life?
Prolong life.
I won't mince words, Jean-Do. You're paralyzed from head to toe.
As you have realized, you can't speak.
You can't speak.
You have what we call
Iocked-in syndrome.
Locked-in syndrome.
It won't comfort you to know that your condition's extremely rare.
We simply don't know the cause.
You don't smoke, you don't drink much.
I'm afraid it's just one of those things.
But even so,
although you're physically paralyzed,
everything else seems normal. So there's hope.
-Normal? -There's hope.
Your brain is functioning.
You understand me, your eyes follow our movements.
Though I'm not thrilled about that eye.
The muscle's not working, see?
The eye's no longer irrigated.
I'm afraid we may have to occlude it.
Occlude?
Occlude what?
I'll get a second opinion.
So, I'd like you to rest up for a while.
-What else am I doing? -When you're stronger,
two beauties will visit you.
And when I say beauties,
-I mean it. -Terrific.
They're gorgeous.
Excellent therapists. Miracle workers, you'll see.
Please, no miracles.
Like I said, there's hope.
You already said that.
We'll take care of you, Jean-Do. Trust me.
Great start.
We'll take care of you.
Hello!
Am I in heaven?
I'm Henriette.
I'm Marie.
You can blink, right?
Blink once for yes and twice for no.
Just my luck! Two beauties, and I'm stuck.
Can you read this?
Where?
"Durand, Speech Therapist. "
You see "Durand"?
-Good, Mr. Bauby. -Miss or Mrs.?
I'm your physiotherapist.
First I must teach you to swallow,
so we'll work on your tongue and lips.
-Sounds fun. -I'm a speech therapist.
We'll work on a way to communicate until your speech comes back.
Your case is very rare.
-So I heard. -We have our work cut out.
Let's get started.
Exactly. I only came to introduce myself.
See you later.
I just want to say
this is the most important job I've ever had.
I'm determined to succeed.
With your help, of course.
I think you understand, but
I'm going to ask you some more questions.
Okay?
Remember. One blink, yes.
Two blinks, no.
Am I a man?
Am I a woman?
Does the sunlight bother you?
Is it midnight?
What are these questions?
Are we in Paris?
Are we in Berck?
Does wood float?
Come on!
Do you remember having a stroke?
Were you the editor of Elle?
Yes, I was the editor of Elle.
To Alaia's.
Your right eye's not good.
Can you hear me?
Your right eye is not good. I'm going to sew it up.
Sew it up?
It'll save
your cornea from going septic.
I just got back from skiing.
St. Moritz is superb at this time of year.
Screw that.
Nothing beats skiing down a trail with the wind in your face!
Get away from me!
-Don't be scared. -Get away.
-You won't feel a thing. -Please!
To hell with that.
You won't feel a thing. Relax.
He's not going to close my eye...
Please don't.
I've done it 1,000 times.
Pretty clean.
Don't worry...
Almost done. A couple more stitches.
Good job...
Even if I say so myself.
All done.
We'll dress you. It'll cheer you up.
And then a surprise for you.
Let's try the wheelchair.
Here we go...
There.
Wheel him back and forth. Towards me...
And back...
Pay no attention to them, they're just my students.
I want to be sure that he can sit without going into spasms. See?
He needs a headrest.
Sorry to inflict this on you, Jean-Do.
Excellent, excellent.
You're good for a wheelchair!
Good for a wheelchair.
-What a verdict. -This is good news.
Now for the surprise.
God, who's that?
Me?
I look like I came out of a vat of formaldehyde.
How awful!
Is that the surprise?
Seeing myself?
Céline.
How are you?
Let me explain.
How's that for a surprise? Your first visitor is your wife.
She's not my wife. She's the mother of my kids.
He understands everything.
Everything.
Ask yes or no questions, okay?
He blinks once for yes, twice for no.
I'll leave you to it. One more important thing.
Talk to him like this. Straight at him.
Here, he can't see you.
Here, neither.
Talk like this.
Right, Jean-Do?
I'll go.
You must have lots to talk about. I mean...
They said you...
Everyone's praying for you, and sends you prayers.
I didn't bring the kids.
I wanted to see you first.
They're doing fine.
They miss you.
Céleste prays for you every night.
Should I bring them?
You don't want to see them?
Laurent wants to visit you. Can he?
Him you want to see.
I'll tell him.
Has she been to see you?
I met your speech therapist, Henriette.
She's nice.
She thinks she can help you.
Please...
Don't cry.
I know Berck train station.
I can picture it right now.
The most depressing place on earth,
or at least it was when I spent my childhood holidays here.
Berck, the end of summer.
Waiting with my father for the train to Paris.
It was desolate then. It must be worse now.
I treated her so badly.
And the kids.
And now...
I can never make amends.
Never.
Look at this.
It's not the schoolroom alphabet.
The letters are listed by frequency of use. See?
E, S, A, R, l, N...
Frequency of use?
I've done lots of research, talked to colleagues,
and devised what I hope is a viable scheme.
-Good for you. -It's this.
You decide what to say.
When you're ready, blink.
I'll recite these letters very slowly.
When I say the first letter of your word, blink.
I'll write it down, letter by letter, and so on.
Maybe we'll make words, sentences.
-Two other things. -What?
When we finish a word, blink twice.
Like hitting a space bar.
If I go wrong, blink rapidly.
I know, it sounds really hard,
but trust me, we'll make it.
Your friends and family can use it, too.
Ready to try?
Look at me.
You want to try?
Have you thought what to say?
Good.
-Let's go. -Wait, no...
I don't know what to say.
E...
E is your first letter?
It's not E.
I don't even know...
I know it's difficult.
We'll take it slowly.
This is too slow.
I can't keep my eyelid open.
Hurry up!
I.
I?
"l"?
Well done.
"l" is your first word?
My first word is "I". Myself.
E, S...
S?
No!
Not S.
You go too fast.
We won't make it.
It's a nightmare. Your thing won't work.
Let's go on.
I don't want to.
Leave me alone.
Above, below...
My chest...
Under my arms...
Behind my legs...
I'm 42 years old,
and I'm being washed like a big baby.
My ass gets washed
and wiped...
It's all quite laughable.
But as the poet said,
only a fool laughs when nothing's funny.
Blow me a kiss.
Go on.
Try.
Go on.
Try.
I know it's hard.
-No mirror! -lt'll take work.
Not that face...
When you're resting or watching TV, or whenever,
I want you to practice blowing me a kiss.
-Okay? -Fine.
One other thing you must practice
is sliding your tongue to the back of your palate.
That's how you'll learn to swallow.
Watch.
This isn't fair. Not fair!
Your turn.
Get rid of that mirror!
Open your mouth.
Good.
Try to slide your tongue back.
I can't.
Go on. Try!
I can't.
Good! You moved your tongue.
-Don't mock me! -Brilliant.
Try again.
Incredible.
-Good. -But true.
I'll help you to move your head by yourself.
Like this.
You're doing it all.
Left...
Good.
Right...
Good.
Left again...
Can you feel my hands on your face?
No.
Not to worry. It'll come.
We're very honored to have you here.
I subscribe to Elle.
I love it.
But I think the models look like boys. Don't they?
-You don't. -They get thinner and thinner.
It's an odd fashion.
She's so beautiful...
I'm very devout.
I pray for you each day.
Only his left eye works.
Speak right in front of him.
Who's this?
Pierre Roussin.
Don't you remember me?
Of course I do.
-He blinks once for yes... -Shit! I never called him back.
Should I go?
No, please!
Why didn't I call him back?
I heard what happened to you and I wanted...
No, I had to come because of what I went through.
I think I can roughly guess what you're feeling.
Because being held hostage
isn't so different from your situation.
-Am I right? -Hostage?
Jean-Dominique kindly gave me his seat on a flight.
Unfortunately for me, the plane was hijacked,
and I was held hostage in Beirut for four years.
Four years,
four months, two weeks, five days and seven hours.
I was kept in a tiny, dark cellar.
It was very hard to breathe.
I called it my tomb.
I know a lot about wine.
What happened to his hand?
Every day, I recited the classification
of top Bordeaux wines of 1 855.
Château Margaux, Château Lafite-Rothschild, etc.
I think it kept me sane, more or less.
Of course, much of the time
I was in despair, suicidal, angry.
The brutality, the filth, the cruelty...
Above all, the waiting. That was the hardest part.
But I survived.
By clinging to what makes me human.
I had no choice. It was all I had left, same as you.
Hold fast to the human inside of you,
and you'll survive.
The human? Easy!
That's what I came to tell you.
Why didn't I phone him when he got back from Beirut?
I felt too guilty.
It sounds ridiculous...
It's not ridiculous. I'm ashamed.
W?
A?
I want?
What do you want, Mr. Bauby?
D?
E.
A.
T.
"Death".
You want to die.
How dare you?
There are people who love you, to whom you matter.
I hardly know you, but you matter to me already.
You're alive. Don't say you want to die.
It's disrespectful. Obscene.
Do you want to go on?
Very well.
Let's hope you change your mind.
I'm sorry.
What for?
I was out of line.
Get some rest.
Like it?
I didn't know what to bring.
I brought this, too.
-Just a sec. -What are you doing?
What is it?
I don't believe it. I'll look like a rabbit.
I recite the letters, and you blink, right?
-Don't bother. -Okay?
S or A?
-Whatever. -A.
Okay... A.
Okay... N.
Anne.
-You have to look at me. -Damn!
I forgot to watch you blink.
Sorry. I'll start again, slower.
If you say so...
You're funny.
I'm useless at hospital visits.
I'm liable to bring grapes and eat them myself.
Christ, why did it have to be you?
It's the talk of the town.
In Café de Flore yesterday,
I heard somebody, I forget who, say,
"Did you hear? Jean-Do Bauby's a vegetable."
-A vegetable? -He can't see you!
Who said I'm a vegetable?
God, I'm a jerk!
What kind of a vegetable?
-I hope I didn't upset you. -A carrot? A pickle?
Today, my life feels like a string of near-misses.
Women I was unable to love,
opportunities I failed to seize,
moments of happiness I let drift away.
A race whose result
I knew beforehand but failed to pick the winner.
Had I been blind and deaf,
or did the harsh light of disaster make me find my true nature?
I'm still here.
Feeling more cooperative?
Good.
We're both here to make progress.
-Agreed? -Yes, teacher.
Good.
So I'll begin.
T?
H.
A.
N.
"Thanks".
Thanks.
May I call you Jean-Do?
Women aren't complicated.
Thanks, Jean-Do.
I.
V.
"I've..."?
I've decided to stop pitying myself.
Other than my eye,
two things aren't paralyzed.
My imagination
and my memory.
They're the only two ways I can escape from my diving bell.
I can imagine anything, anybody, anywhere.
Lazing in the waves of Martinique,
being with the woman I love...
Bowing to Ozymandias, king of kings...
I can imagine anything I want.
Live out my boyhood fantasies,
and my adult ambitions.
Now I'll remember myself as I was.
Handsome, debonair,
glamorous,
devilishly attractive.
Glamorous and very handsome, to some people...
That's Marlon Brando, not me!
That's me.
Could I speak to Betty Mialet?
Yes, speaking.
I'm Henriette Durand,
a speech therapist at Berck-sur-Mer hospital.
I'm calling on behalf of a patient, Jean-Dominique Bauby.
Jean-Do?
How is he?
He's okay, but...
I heard he's paralyzed,
incapable of communicating with anyone.
That's not quite true.
Come in.
I'm calling to ask if you'd do him a favor.
Of course. One moment.
Anything he wants.
He says he has a contract with you for a book.
He says? I thought he couldn't speak.
He expresses himself, in a way I'll explain.
About this book...
He has a contract with us,
but under the circumstances...
He wants to do it.
To write a book.
You don't mean it. He can't!
I assure you, he can.
But can you find somebody
to take his dictation?
Somebody patient,
someone who'll be here every day.
Someone special.
I understand.
I'll get back to you.
Betty said Claude Mendibil is a godsend.
The perfect person for the job.
Betty always exaggerates. I need to practice with Henriette.
Anytime. It won't take you long.
He wants to say something.
"Don't"?
"Don't panic"?
Claude's in a hotel here.
You should agree on a routine.
The nurse wakes me at 5:00 a.m.
I'll memorize what I want to write.
You can come at 8:00 a.m.,
and I'll dictate it to you.
Right. I'll do my best.
I'm sure you will.
Can we start tomorrow?
Fine.
"Through"?
Through the frayed curtain,
a wan glow heralds the break of day.
My heels ache, my head weighs a ton,
my whole body is encased in a kind of diving suit.
My task now is to write the motionless travel notes
from a castaway on the shores of loneliness.
Originally, this Naval Hospital was a home for children with TB.
In the main hall is a white marble bust
of Empress Eugénie, wife of Napoleon III,
the hospital's patron,
who visited it often.
There was a large farm, a school,
and a place where, reputedly,
the great Diaghilev rehearsed his Ballets Russes.
They say it was here that Nijinsky made his famous leap
twelve feet in the air.
Nobody leaps here anymore.
These days, we're all elderly and feeble,
or like me, rigid and mute.
A battalion of cripples.
I like being wheeled to a place I call Cinecittà,
a deserted terrace overlooking a landscape
heavy with the poetic and offbeat charm of a movie set.
Below the dunes, some buildings conjure up a western ghost town.
I enjoy seeing the suburbs of Berck.
They look like a model train layout.
And the sea foam is so white it looks like a special-effects job.
But my favorite sight is the lighthouse.
Tall, robust and reassuring with its red and white stripes.
I place myself under its brotherly protection,
guarding not just sailors, but the sick,
whom fate has cast to the far edge of life.
"The two highlights of this mini-museum
"are a white marble bust embodying the radiant youth
"of a princess who died at 94,
"outliving her empire by half a century."
Five hours of work.
Not bad.
It's not Balzac.
Should I go on?
"And a letter..."
Read me some Balzac.
"lt was best to hear nothing..."
Or Graham Greene.
"...When the light came half-heartedly back.
"Suddenly, a policeman slapped him.
"He felt shock rather than anger.
"He came from a law-abiding class who saw the police as protection.
"'I'm 45, divorced, and I want to phone the Consul.'
"The officer who had called him a pig demanded his passport."
What's that?
Is it a man or a woman?
A man, I think.
He winked at you.
Excuse me...
Did you order a phone with a loudspeaker?
Did you order a telephone?
Let's get out.
What are you doing here?
Who let you in?
We're the phone company. Somebody ordered one.
You should have gone to Reception.
There was nobody there.
Install it on the table, please.
Be quieter, please.
We'll tell your friends and family.
They'll book a time to phone.
We'll make sure someone's with you.
Excuse me, can't he speak?
Don't act like he's not here.
Ask him.
Excuse me, lady.
What use is a phone if he can't talk?
Maybe he's a heavy breather!
Think you're funny?
Some nerve!
You have no sense of humor, Henriette.
And three...
Gently... Four...
A big black fly lands on my nose.
I wriggle my head to dislodge it.
It clings on.
Olympic wrestling has nothing on this.
You moved your head? Since when?
Thank you.
"Just now"?
It's a miracle. You moved your head.
Marie sees miracles everywhere.
Dr. Lepage!
He moved his head!
Hello.
Just one hello?
-Progress, progress. -That's better.
How's his tongue?
-Show your tongue. -I'll open your mouth.
You see?
It moves a little.
So his speech will make progress.
Tongue movement is crucial, so there's hope.
Good, excellent.
From now on, we'll work flat-out so you can eat normally.
A text doesn't exist until it can be read.
"When I last saw my father, I shaved him.
"The week of my accident
"he was sick,
"so I slept over in his small apartment in Paris.
"The next morning, I shaved off his stubble. "
-Who cares if I'm shaved? -I do.
I'm terrified.
Of what?
Of you shaving me.
You were always so clumsy.
Runs in the family.
Sure.
Coffee?
Don't tire him. He's not well.
How can a shave tire him?
-Your mother was prettier. -That's not hard.
Do you remember your mother?
You always ask me that. I always say, "Not really."
What are you reading these days?
I'm re-reading The Count of Monte Cristo.
What for?
I want to write a modern version.
Of The Count of Monte Cristo?
Vengeance will still be the driving force,
but I want to make her a modern woman.
-The Countess of Monte Cristo? -Yes, a woman.
I don't want to read it.
I haven't written it yet.
But I have a contract with a publisher.
Yes, I do.
If you cut me, I'll sue you.
The doctor came yesterday.
And?
He says I'll live to at least 1 00.
Great. We'll throw a big party.
Count me out.
Who wants to live to 1 00?
Jean-Do?
Don't tell a soul.
I still miss your mother.
I won't tell.
It's our secret.
You should have married Céline.
What difference would it have made?
You couldn't have left her so easily.
And your children.
Can we change the subject?
I know what I'm talking about.
I've had more affairs than anyone,
except maybe Casanova.
Having a mistress
is no excuse for deserting the mother of your children.
The world has lost its values.
It's not funny. It's true.
Bring your children to see me.
Céline does. You should, too.
I will. I haven't had time.
Here!
What is it?
Orange blossom.
You want me to smell like a hussy?
It's an aphrodisiac.
Good! It'll make the girls come running.
You bet. Just give them half a chance.
Let me look at myself.
Not bad!
God, they don't make them like me anymore.
I wanted to tell you something.
I've forgotten what.
It'll come back.
I'm not so sure.
-Nothing comes back anymore. -Don't exaggerate.
I remember what it was.
I'm very proud of you.
Really, very proud.
And something else.
I've forgotten.
A father's approval.
It comforted me then,
and comforts me even more now.
We're all children.
We all need approval.
I want to see my children.